Caring for Caregivers
Caregiving is arguably one of the most noble professions. Giving your time to help, support, and care for someone else is pinnacle to the function of a happy, healthy society. Acting as the caregiver for an elderly loved one comes with its unique considerations. Families/friends that are local and providing the primary care can sometimes report that they feel unsupported despite having siblings, cousins, or others who have stepped up to the role of caregiver but live elsewhere.
During the holidays, with travel back home, we hear a lot from caregivers who live out of town that they didn’t realize Mom required so much help. Their cousin/sister/whoever is providing the direct care for a loved one may have the response of “I told you so” or “Yeah, I’ve been handling it all,” and that may generate feelings of frustration and guilt. To the caregiver who is elsewhere, but wants to help, we’re here to provide you with easy solutions to stay connected and support the local caregiver.
Caregiver Apps & Electronic Health Networks:
In this crazy age of technology, there is an array of apps that cater to connection and communication between caregivers. These apps, such as those listed below, allow us to share information, stay in the loop, and provide input to encourage a collaborative team approach. Sharing access to an online health record, provided explicit and continuous consent from the senior, can also be a good way to be current on appointments, medical recommendations, and assessment results, relieving the local caregiver of having to call and personally update you on each medical matter.
CaringBridge, Connected Caregiver, & Symple - Central platform for all caregivers to communicate and share information
Care Zone - Medication management support, to-do lists, sharing care information
Grocery Gadget - Shared grocery list, meal planning
Uber Health - Transportation for medical appointments
Ianacare- Coordinate & manage care and share tasks as a community of caregivers
Happify - Tool designed to support caregivers in managing their own mental health
Alzheimer’s Daily Companion & Dementia Caregiver Solutions - Fantastic resources for anyone providing care for someone experiencing dementia
Manage Amazon Subscriptions & Online Grocery Orders:
This is such a lovely convenience and a simple way for someone farther away to support local operations. Managing Amazon subscriptions for necessary items such as hygiene products, incontinence items (ie, briefs, chuck pads, wipes, etc), kitchen, and even much-loved snacks can be so helpful. It eliminates the need for the local caregiver to go to the store, transport, and lug around items as they’re simply delivered to the individual’s doorstep. Amazon also has a pharmacy feature that processes medications and delivers refills, etc, to the home, eliminating another trip to the pharmacy for the local helper. Same idea here as the Amazon subscriptions- In a post-COVID world, many grocery stores participate in online grocery ordering and potentially even delivery services. This is something that can easily be done from afar and again provides a great deal of support to the frontlines.
Financials:
I can’t emphasize enough what a major component this is in the caregiving dynamic— clear, open, direct communication is absolutely key to maintaining a healthy co-caregiver situation when financial management is involved. Appointing a financial power of attorney is important, and typically this is easier for the caregiver who is farther vs healthcare POA. Setting up automatic payments for recurring bills, as well as an alert system that notifies all relevant parties, is a great way to diffuse any potential tension. Constant mail from financial institutions and health insurance companies can be overwhelming and often a source of stress for the local caregiver to sort through during visits— consider having this mailed to you to handle. Holding a monthly or bimonthly financial review between all parties and the senior is a helpful way to ensure everyone is engaged and aware of important financial matters.
Check-In & Be Emotionally Present:
Picking up the torch with check-ins either through regular phone calls, FaceTime, or video calls is a convenient way to increase connection. This is recommended not only for your loved one, but also consider a regular call to check in on the primary caregiver. Conversations that don’t mention additional tasks, concerns, and potential criticism or suggestions, but truly just focus on how the local caregiver is doing, how you can support, and expressing gratitude. Sometimes the best thing you can do is truly just listen without providing unrequested feedback to allow that person to feel heard and respected. These conversations might trigger guilt, but remember that as long as you’re doing your best to stay connected and support as you’re able, that is enough.
Sending items that you know bring the local caregiver joy or show appreciation is another way to demonstrate that you see them and their daily support. Something like a meal subscription service or a gift certificate for some self-care can make a huge difference, as caregivers tend to have a reputation for not taking care of their own needs at times. Genuine acknowledgment and a thank you can go a long way, too.
Counseling:
Sometimes, the combination of guilt, frustration, and all of the emotional complexities that come with caring for someone who, at one point, provided care for you can be overwhelming and impact important family dynamics/friendships. I’ll take a moment to call out the current generation of caregivers- therapy should not be the last-ditch effort, but rather a proactive step. Engaging in sessions of virtual counseling together at whatever frequency you can accommodate (every other week, once a month, etc) can be so incredibly beneficial to your mental health and relationships. This is a place to learn, process hard emotions, and improve your teamwork. It shows your dedication to working together and loving the person you’re caring for. Nothing is more stressful to the person receiving assistance than fending off tension and negativity between their support system. This dynamic isn’t healthy for anyone involved. Consider speaking with a mental health professional when entering into a caregiver relationship and throughout to improve everyone’s experience, allowing a focus on joy during a special season of life.
I hope these musings help reduce any sources of stress as you navigate the dynamics of caregiving for your loved one. Keep in mind that taking care of someone else can be challenging, especially when collaborating with other caregivers and attending to your own needs. It is vital to maintain a healthy lifestyle, physically and emotionally, for yourself, as we know, you must remember to put your oxygen mask on before helping others! At the end of the day, we’re all just doing our best to love and take care of each other.
Dina Holland MS, CCC-SLP, CDP
“To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honors”